Feathers & Boulders

I saw Love, Simon a few weeks ago and when I got home I was describing a montage scene of Simon's parents laughing and decorating their home for Christmas and I said something to my partner like, "I can see us doing that." To which he replied, "but we already do things like that..." to which I quickly piped in, "Oh I know!...well, most of the time I know."

Those beautifully loving, fun, positive memories full of laughter are like pristine feathers. They float down around me as I experience happiness & joy.

And as I go about my day, I may also be met with frustration, sadness, or anger. These emotions occur as giant, filthy boulders, covering the feathers so they can no longer be seen.

And as life goes on, more feathers come, and more boulders follow. The boulders are so much easier to recall because I give them so much more weight.

I get frustrated with myself when the feathers aren't readily available for me to access. "Why can't I see them? Why can I only see the boulders?" But asking why never leads me anywhere productive, so I'm learning to ask better questions like, "how is this effecting me?" and "what is it I need?"

And what I've come up with is a happiness practice. Everyday I write down one thing that happened that made me smile, laugh, or just think, "how lucky am I?"

Will this stop the boulders from falling? Not at all. But it will rearrange things, and maybe this way more of the feathers will stick out in my mind and the boulders won't be as bothersome.